Most people come to see me when they already feel hopeless and powerless. I believe my work is to help you rediscover yourselves as the source of the relationship you want.
If you are a couple, my responsibility is to the relationship as well as to each one of you, and the connection between you.
My aim will be to help you increase your knowledge of yourself and your reactions, and of your partner and their reactions. And especially, your understanding about the patterns of interaction between you.
This can be uncomfortable work but I will show you how to have safe conversations and to be curious and intentional – rather than reactive. This will enable you to find your voice again and to hear your partner’s voice. When it becomes safe to drop your layers of defensiveness, you will begin to rediscover your own choices for the way forward.
If there has been a particular event, such as infidelity, I will help you process it as safely as possible. We will aim to understand the meaning behind it and the circumstances that led up to it.
Whatever the issue, we’ll look at the moves that have led to the relationship distress, without blame or criticism, to give the two of you choices that you may have lost sight of.
I will help you clarify the kind of relationship you want and the kind of partner you both want to be. We will identify any resistance or blockages that might be holding you back.
Once safety has been re-established, and there is an understanding of each other’s feelings and perspective, a vision for working through the difficult bits together will naturally evolve.
If you are an individual processing a relationship break up, I will help you safely experience your grief – an essential part of moving on. I will help you ask the questions that will reveal any repetitive patterns of behaviour in your relationships. We will identify any underlying beliefs that may keep you stuck. Once you have more clarity about your own reactions, we will begin to look at the future. I will help you reclaim your choice and power to be the partner you aspire to be and to make the relationship you long for.
If you are in a relationship but your partner doesn’t want to come with you to see me, we can still work together. Again, through inquiry we can examine the role you play in the relationship difficulties, the conflict and tension. When one person has the courage to do this, they become empowered. This is the way we can affect our relationships alone.
Get in touch for an initial consultation to see how we might work together.