When did you last flirt with your partner? And I mean, really intentionally flirt. Whenever I have asked couples that question, the answer has often been ‘not since we got married’ but they look a bit sheepish as if they have been caught out.
So what does it mean to flirt?
The Oxford dictionary says, ‘Behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions.’
I think most people would agree that sexual attraction is an obvious ingredient to a healthy relationship but whatever happened to playfulness? Do we just grow out of it? Is it an inevitable casualty of a long-term relationship? Does playfulness belong to the young and carefree, those still caught up in the thrill of the romantic phase?
I have never accepted the idea that romance wears off and inevitability sets in. In my experience, it’s a choice, not inevitability. I still love, for example, the challenge of seeing how many times you can secretly connect across a crowded room, how many times you can touch ‘casually and in passing’ but actually with clear, playful intention. I still love the anticipation of going out together. Do people think we’re having an affair or is it obvious we’ve been together for 40 years? I love starting a new affair with the same man over and over again.
I am sad to hear of far too many 30 somethings who say routine has taken over but what can you do? You can PLAY!
We play because it feeds the romance, it feeds the sexual tension, it increases the positive energy between us, it keeps us young where it matters, it keeps us out of the ‘inevitable’ rut, it gives us hope, it feeds our creativity, it keeps us connected, it keeps us laughing together, it makes us feel lighter, it reminds us that girl loves boy and boy loves girl despite the external signs of the 50 somethings and best of all, it restores us after a big argument or a blip in the road.
But what does it take? It takes imagination. It takes energy, spontaneity and risk. It’s takes curiosity and a try it and see attitude. Do we all have these? YES and another hearty YES!
And……… it’s fun! It’s HUGE fun. What could be better?