Have you ever tried to stay cross with someone when you’ve been asked to say something you like about him or her? Of course it’s pretty difficult to think of something when you’re cross and you may just be too cross to try.
Appreciations are very handy and really can work magic in a highly tense situation. Just the other day, my intimate other and I were locked into a very unproductive disagreement. All the signs of descent into a distressing row were there. One of us saved the day by being clear headed enough to realise and say,
‘Ok, ten things we appreciate about each other.’ This is when we take it in turns to say one thing at a time and each time we do it, it must be something new and not anything that has been said previously (or recently).
Even by the second or third thing said, you can literally feel a physical shift within, a softening and easing of the tension.
But what are magic appreciations? They are not the ‘I love you’ statements or the ‘I miss you’ statements or the ‘You’re kind and generous’ statements or even the ‘You’re beautiful’ statements.
Magic appreciations are the ‘Thanks for brushing against me on your way out today’. ‘Thanks for just putting your arms round me without telling me how I messed up.’ ‘I loved the sound of your laughter today when we were watching…….’
Magic appreciations are the tiny details we notice that show our intimate other that we care enough to pay attention.